Serenity

Original Post:  20 November 2006

So... here I am. At home. With my family and friends. I have found a serene calmness with spending time with my loved ones. With just hanging out; doing small things that mean more than the price of admission.

It is odd. In my past life, I had this almost uncontrollable need to fill my time with stuff. With going here. Going there. Doing this. Doing that. I complicated one leave with so many tasks that it caused those close to me to feel they had no time to fit in anywhere. Even those that were spending the time with me didn't feel they had time with me because we were always en route. Imagine that.

I say quite often that life will teach you all the lessons that you will ever need to learn. The hard ones. The easy ones. The ones that take pain. The ones that show you pleasure. Everything. I have learned quite a few easy lessons in this life, but, as with everyone who follows something other than their mind in this world... there have been a few lessons I have larned the hard way. This includes one that I learned the very, very hardest of ways.

It is your friends and your family that get you through anything. I often wonder who are my real friends, who are those that are along for the ride, and who are just pretenders, looking for someone to take advantage of. I have a few really good friends. they have been the most wonderful, caring, and thoughtful people in my life... well... outside my family. There have been a few that have been just along for the ride and those that have just taken advantage of me. They, of course, show themselves for who they are. It is sad, really, because these have been the hardest friends to loose. As hard-assed and hard-shelled as I am or seem to be to most people, I do let some people get very, very close to my heart.

And it is on that note that I say cheers.

Cheers to those that I love. Yes, you ladies and gents that are close to me. Those who are there for me no matter what, I thank you for showing me that I can be myself with you, and not have to regret a single thing.

Cheers to those that are just passing through. Whether you are dishonest or just don't really care about anyone being in your life for a prolonged period of time. Thank you for showing me that there are some people that are just around to have a good time.

And lastly, cheers to those pretenders that have come into my life. You pieces of shit that just used me, lied to me, or did me so horribly wrong I cannot even begin to look at you without being disgusted. If it wasn't for those that have shown me how easily I could be betrayed, backstabbed or led wrong, I would still be getting easily betrayed by those heartbreakers and users out there. It is this pain that has shown me more than a thousand easy lessons learned.