What causes torment? What is the one sound within the song of one's life that may causes the seemingly beautiful chorus to ring out in disharmony?
Is it wanting something you cannot have? Is it having something you do not want? Is it having a desire for someone that does not return it? Or not being able to return the affection of another? Is it knowing things would be perfect with someone… but lacking the courage to begin? Or knowing that it will never be true… but lacking the strength to end it?
There has to be some pain involved in any of those situations. Total pain. Sometimes, it would seem… it is pride or fear that keeps us in one of those situations.
Wanting something you cannot have… terrible feeling but taking only a slight change of desire to change what it is you want. Usually leaves that which you wanted feeling like they were 'left behind' or 'dropped' but if they too would have accepted your feelings…
Having something you do not want… hard to let go sure, I suppose we can all sympathize with that notion, but it is better to have and have lost, than to never have had the chance in the first place. You never want to keep something just to have it.
Desiring someone who does not return it… definitely the bane of many a love interest. It surely tears at the soul to want someone and to have them be either oblivious to your feelings or just plain either not want or care to return them. Again, usually when one turns their attention somewhere else… they realize the love the could have had… and lost.
Unable to return the affection of another… another one of those things where the term 'unable' just comes down to some strange notion. People these days are so strange. With so many options and so many chances for just something new… we live in a disposable society where unless you are the it of the it… you might not get a first glance.. much less a second. It takes only a slight insight to change the way we view people… as anyone who turned one day to a best friend and realized they loved them… it is quite a feeling that can fill a life with utter happiness.
Lacking courage to begin a relationship… another thing that has lost more love that can be imagined. It is so simple to tell someone that you want to be with them… yet for many… a great person walked out of their life simply because they did not chance telling them before it was too late. I would like to believe that all they needed to do was ask. Most times… it is more likely that the other person felt exactly the same way but just didn't know the other had these feelings.
Lacking strength to end a relationship… this to me is another strange thing… let's see… be unhappy for an undetermined amount of time… accumulating excess emotional mental baggage that will just sabotage subsequent relationships down the line and why? Because he… treats you badly? Doesn't appreciate you? Is inconsiderate? Wants to 'chill' with his friends more than spend a single day with his girl? And most times… there is someone worth their salt that thinks you are just awesome… but you will continue on with this chump because you don't want to be lonely. Please… there are plenty of good catches that get overlooked out there. That is why when someone finds one they get so excited. But then again… you hardly have found something when it is right in front of you.
It would seem that these are fine lines. Fine indeed. I know that even now, one or more of these are true within myself… so I can only guess it has to be true for others. Not to say I am tormented… but I would like for the opposite to be true about some of these. But, unless confronted with the opposite side of these equations… then I am not even presented with a situation I can deal with. Who knows… life is always changing. I'll just keep living my own life. And if you are the woman of my dreams... say something. Maybe someone will surprise me… maybe they will see me for who I am. Maybe.
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