Wierd thoughts

Original Post:  27 November 2006

So here I am, in an odd moment of thought... not that me having a thought is an odd moment, just that the thoughts I am having at the moment is odd... you know what I mean.

I find myself thinking...about the people that have come and gone in my life. There are a few out there that are gone that may possiblly be pulled back into my life if I just tried. There are those that are here that are not really here for any particular reason. Just sort of there. Then there are those that are here by choice, purpose and reason.

I love those that are in the last group. they constantly show me that they want to be in my life and will do nothing to force themselves out of it. The middle group... not sure what to make of them. Why waste your time or mine by anything meaningless. The first group... not sure what to make of.

What do you do about people that have inexplicable done something to make you not want them in your life. I have three people in this catagory. Not sure what to do. Of course, these three individuals once held a very very high place in my heart. Two of them I loved, one I cared/care for very deeply. I want to be close to them... because of a certain effect I call the 'kryptonite status', but I find myself torn. I have been repeatedly hurt by two and spurned countless times by the third.

I don't like being this human when it comes to those that I have let close to that oh so armored fortress around my heart. Besides, it could only lead to more hurt and pain. It is somewhat of a knee-jerk reaction to treat as anathema any girl that I fall for. Because I let them get so very close that I become completely and utterly vulnerable. I mean, what good is being a juggernaut when you take off your armor? (even if it is for only a very, very select few)